I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
