I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
