I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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