Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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