I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
