What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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