u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
