He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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