Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
