that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
