I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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