I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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