Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
