Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
