He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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