He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
