She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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