He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
