I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
