you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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