I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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