thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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