Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
