ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
cat food counts as protein by the way
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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