my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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