cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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