Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My vagina is officially offended.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
