Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
