That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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