I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
50% drunk capacity currently
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
