Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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