You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
