She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
