Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
