the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.