Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Randomize
Follow @tfln