The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now