Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public