This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
