I need help removing her.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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