Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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