he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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