Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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