A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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