Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize