I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
