I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
