? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
