He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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