that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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