She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
