At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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