i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
