On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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