I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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