thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
