She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
