He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
