all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the day after is always just damage control
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
