I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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