NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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