I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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