We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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