whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
