I wish I only lived at night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
