what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize