he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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