i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
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Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.