So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card