I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?