her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life